Somebody Save Me!
Part Two: unfolding the un-dramatic conclusion!!!
That night…….
"Everyone ready to go?" Walker asked his two sons sitting in the back.
"Yup!!!" Taylor, who was sitting in the very back, said. Then he looked at Zac. "I think."
"Aw Dad…..can't I just cancel this date?" Zac asked gloomily. But Walker just ignored him.
"Alright! Let's go pick up Stacey and…..Elise."
When they went to go pick up Stacey, everything was going ok. But when they got to Elise's house, the disaster started.
"Ohmigosh!!! OHMIGOSH!!! YOU'RE REALLY ZAC HANSON!!!!" Elise shrieked when she answered the door and saw Zac standing there. "I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH ZAC HANSON!!! I AM LIKE TOTALLY GOING TO DIE!!!!"
"Please…..do!" Zac mumbled. He turned around abruptly and walked back to the car, leaving his date behind, gasping for air on the front door step.
When Elise had finally regained her stature, she entered into the car calmly.
"Taylor…….you've got our seats!" Zac said, nudging Taylor as he opened the car door.
"Sorry…….Stacey wanted more space. So we decided to move." He gave his brother a nasty grin. "You guys get to sit in the back seats."
Zac sighed angrily, and hopped in the back, with Elise right behind him.
"EEEEEEEE!!!!" She squealed. "HOW ROMANTIC!!!"
Zac just rolled his eyes, and tried to put as much space between them as possible - which wasn't very much.
"WILL YOU HOLD…..WILL YOU….HOLD MY HAND?!?!?" Elise sputtered, and not waiting for an answer, grabbed Zac's right hand like it was a piece of gold.
"I think I'm going to faint……" she said over dramatically.
"Feel free to." Zac said, very inhospitably.
"Zac…." Walker said suspiciously from the front seat. "Be nice now! She's our guest."
* * *
The ride went exceptionally well, considering that Elise had calmed down a little after Zac gave in and let her hold his hand. Everything was fine until…..
"Hey Dad, you missed our turn!!!" Zac said, as he looked out the window and saw that they were driving past Captain Herman's Burger Shack.
"Actually Zac, I decided that you all should go to GreyStone……Captain Herman's Burger Shack is NOT the best place to go on a first date." Walker replied.
"But….but…." Zac mumbled as he desperately though of a way to get out of the dreaded predicament. "Oh wait a minute!!! I don't have a suit and tie on!!! I can't go inside GreyStone!!!"
"Haha, nice try. I brought a dinner jacket and tie for you." Walker smiled.
"No! This can't be happening!!" Zac thought to himself. His mind raced furiously, still searching for a way to escape it all. "Bingo!" Zac said to himself, as he reached under his seat, pulling out a packet off itching powder he had stored there last summer. He always knew there would be a good use for it.
"Here we are! Taylor, you Stacey and Elise go out to the maitre'd and check in. I'll guard the door while Zac changes. He tossed a bag of clothes to Zac and said, "Make it quick! They're waiting for you." Then he got out and closed the car door.
"I'll see you inside!" Elise said, finally letting go of Zac's now limp hand.
"Buh bye." Zac said, happy that she had finally let go. His hand had started to turn red, and was almost purple by the time they had reached the restaurant.
Zac opened the bag and slipped on the dinner jacket and tie over his white Adidas shirt and black pants. Making sure his Dad wasn't looking, he went and got some loose change out of the change compartment in the front. Then he got out of the car.
"Hold a minute, your tie's on wrong." Walker said, stopping Zac and adjusting the tie.
"It feels like a noose now!" Zac whined.
"You'll get used to it." Walker said, in an annoyingly cheerful tone.
"Hanson, party of four!" The maitre'd announced.
"That's us!" Taylor said. "Ike's going to bring us home at 8, right Dad?"
"Yup. Isaac said he was bringing his date here tonight too." Walker turned and walked back to the parking lot.
"8 O'clock?" Zac thought. He glanced at his watch. It was only 6:45.
The party followed the waitress to a table near the back.
"Here's your table! Do you guys want anything to drink?" the lady asked, giving them each a menu.
"We'd like to see your wine list!" Zac said, a mischievous grin coming over his face.
"What are you doing, Zac?" Taylor asked, kicking his brother under the table.
"Hmmm. You don't look quite 21." The lady said.
"He was just kidding. Water's fine for all of us." Taylor said.
Zac opened his menu and frowned. "15 bucks for a stupid chicken wing in pasta sauce?!?!" He scanned the rest of the menu. Most everything was pricey - after all, it was a classy restaurant.
"So, what are you going to order?" Taylor asked Zac and Elise.
"I'll share a plate with Zac!!!" Elise squealed.
"Oh, no you're not." Zac thought to himself. "We'll order the Escargot."
"What's that?" Elise asked Zac.
"Snails. I love to eat snails, don't you?" Zac smiled, innocently. Elise was turning a little green.
"Will you excuse me? I have to go to the bathroom." Stacey said, getting up from the table.
"I'll go too." Elise said. "I need to freshen up for my Zacky-Poo."
Zacky-Poo? Everyone knows that Zac doesn't like to be called Zacky-Poo.
"Hey, you've got something on your dress. Let me wipe it off." Zac said, grabbing Elise's arm. He pulled the packet of itching powder out of his pocket and poured it down her back. The instructions said 'half the bag will do the trick.' But Zac poured the whole thing down anyway.
"Thank you Zacky-Poo……" Elise said flirtatiously, batting her eyelashes.
"Uh huh. Any time." Zac grinned.
The girls had made their way to the women's restroom, and Zac and Taylor were sitting at the table by themselves.
"How are you going to pay for all this junk, Tay?" Zac asked his brother.
Taylor took out his wallet and flashed several 20 dollar bills. "Dad gave them to me."
Zac sighed, and stuck his knife in his glass of ice water and started stirring. "Here I am, a once happy yet now depressed 13 year old guy, eating at a stupid fancy restaurant with the ditziest teenybopper as my date." Zac thought. He looked over at his brother who was kind of smiling and staring off into space.
"And I think my stupid 15 year old brother is actually enjoying it." Zac looked around the room to see if anything interesting was going on. Nothing much better than a bunch of weird people chewing away all their over priced dinners. Outside the sky was darkening, and soon drops of rain started falling. That's when he saw her.
"Hey, Denitra!!!" Zac said, waving at the 'snob queen' who was dining with her family. She looked a little disgusted, until she saw Taylor.
"Taylor!!! My little gootchie pie!!" She squealed, running over. "What are you doing here?!?!"
"Uh, actually…." Taylor began nervously. Denitra sat down and grabbed his arm happily.
Zac noticed out of the corner of his eye that Stacey and Elise were coming back from the bathroom. He grinned. This was going a lot better than he had expected.
"I don't know why I itch so bad!!!" Elise exclaimed, reaching for an unreachable itch on her back, as she approached the table.
"Taylor, who's that?" Stacey asked, seeing Denitra with her arm around Taylor.
"I'm Denitra Jones." Denitra said, introducing herself. "Who are you?"
"I'm Taylor's date!" Stacey replied, with a tone of hostility in her voice.
"Excuse me?" Denitra said, standing up. "I don't believe that Tay would ever cheat on me!!"
"Cheat on you? What are you talking about? Taylor's mine!!!" Stacey hissed.
"No way, sister, he's my guy!!!" Denitra retorted, putting her hands on her hips. The other diners in the restaurant were watching the Hanson table very closely, sensing something was about to happen.
"OOH I ITCH!!!" Elise yelped, scratching her arms.
"Now, now, ladies……."Taylor gulped, looking back and forth at Denitra and Stacey who were exchanging dirty looks.
"Oh…….loving you……is easy cuz you're beautiful…." Zac heard coming from the table behind them. It was Isaac!!!
"Hey, Isaac! What's up?" Zac smiled, waving at his brother who was now strumming a guitar. Sitting next to him was Carrie, looking teary eyed. She sniffled and said "Oh Isaac, how sweet!"
The diners in the restaurant were going to have a hoot with the Hanson brothers tonight.
Denitra and Stacey each grabbed one of Taylor's arms and started pulling. "YOU LITTLE B—"
"ITCH!!! OOH I ITCH!!!" Elise exclaimed, jumping up and scratching at her back wildly. The restaurant started getting louder as people from all over started laughing hysterically at the Hanson party.
Stacey glared at Denitra. "Oh yeah? Bring it on!!! I can kick your little A—"
"S-SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!" Taylor yelled.
"OH YEAH, YOU PIECE OF SH-"
"IT ITCHES!!! ITCH!!!" Elise screamed, flailing her arms wildly, and accidentally knocking over the oil lamp on Isaac's table, setting everything, including his guitar on fire.
Somebody in the restaurant yelled "fire!!" as the rest of the customers laughed hysterically, not knowing whether to fear for their lives, or fall over laughing.
Waiters rushed from the kitchen with fire extinguishers to the scene of the accident. Isaac and Carrie were madly trying to put the fire out, and accidentally bumped a waiter's tray of salad. The salad landed on a toddler's head, and the toddler, thinking it was a game, threw a tomato at his 9 year old sister. The girl got mad and threw an ice cube at her brother, missed, and hit a man smack in the forehead. It wasn't too long before a food fight erupted.
"My chance to get away!!" Zac thought to himself, dodging waiters, punches being thrown by Denitra and Stacey, and food being thrown by everyone in the restaurant. "At least they have a sense of humor. Or I'd be in big trouble now!"
He ran out on to the door step of the restaurant, where an elderly couple had just stepped outside. The lady popped open an umbrella and sighed.
"I've never had so much fun in my life!" She smiled, hanging on tightly to her husband's arm.
"Glad you liked it, Dear." He replied.
Zac smiled, and watched them walk away. Then he pulled off his tie and dinner jacket and threw it into the bushes as he ran across the parking lot. He was getting soaked with rain, but he didn't care – he was free
5 minutes later.
"Good ol' Captain Herman's Burger Shack!!!" He smiled in approval. He opened the front door and went in.
"Arr Arr Matey!!! You be lookin' a little wet!!!" Said Pete the Pirate at the cash register. "Wut ken I get for you tonight?"
"Um, an extra crispy Captain Herman's Beefburger Meal Combo Deluxe." Zac said.
"That'll be $3.14, matey!"
"I only have it in loose change, is that ok?" Zac asked, pulling out his stashed money.
Zac quickly downed his beefburger and gulped his Captain Herman's Mud Sludgey. He walked out the door, counting what little change he had left.
"5 bucks even." He sighed. That meant no taxi ride, but maybe a bus ride home.
He waited at a nearby bus stop, and soon the 8:00 bus came.
"You're a little wet, aren't you?" The bus driver snickered, as the soaking wet Zac got on board. "2 bucks."
Zac took a seat near the front, across the aisle from a weird bald guy with hairy legs and big shoes. The guy smiled, and Zac nervously smiled back.
"Why does he keep looking at me? Is it because I'm wet? Boy, those are big shoes. Maybe he was a clown in a circus once." Zac said to himself, as his tired mind skipped from thought to thought.
"77th street!!" The driver announced.
"My stop!!!" Zac said, getting off the bus. He ran down the street towards home.
Later:
Zac sighed. He got to go to sleep all wet and soggy again. But this time he plopped down on the couch in the living room. No one was home, the rest of the family had gone to see a movie, according to a note left on the fridge. Zac glanced at the clock on the VCR. It said 8:13. He picked up the phone, and paged Tay to let him know he was ok. He was sure they had forgotten about him by now, but it was better to be safe than grounded.
"That was a big mess. How am I going to get myself out of this one?" Zac thought to himself. "Maybe someday I'll understand why my brothers are acting weird. Maybe someday I'll feel it too. Maybe I'll fall in love with some weird girl one day."
Zac contemplated it for a while.
"Nah."
Please let me know what you thought of the story, I'm still eager to know what fans think of this vintage work. hansonoklahoma@eudoramail.com - and don't forget to title it "Everything".
